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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25611100">A Queen's Duty (Is to Love)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadpendragon/pseuds/sadpendragon'>sadpendragon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Arranged Marriage, Background Relationships, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Role Reversal, Secret Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:42:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25611100</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadpendragon/pseuds/sadpendragon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Princess Guinevere is to be Queen. And a Queen comes with duties. Like marrying a man you barely know, because he is noble—but Gwen's heart desires more common things it seems...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Merlin Rarepair Hub</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her reflection in the mirror did not portray how her day had gone, but it portrayed how she felt inside. Dinner had gone better than she had expected. Lord Du Lac was...nice. Very nice. And handsome, very handsome. But—</p><p>“You are not thinking of going to see him tonight, are you Gwen?” Morgana’s reflection appeared next to hers in the mirror, <em>judging</em>. “Lord Du Lac is a fine prospect for a suitor.”</p><p>Gwen sighed. “I know that.”</p><p>“Then leave <em> him </em>in the past. What does he have to offer you?" the woman scoffed. "It cannot happen, anyway.”</p><p>Gwen stood up, frowning at her maid, <em>h</em><em>er friend</em>. “I would appreciate it if you did not dump your family frustrations onto me. You know damn well what he has to offer me. Love,” she whispered that last part. “And that’s all that should matter. It is all that matters to me.”</p><p>Morgana’s eyes softened and she gently plucked the last of Gwen’s flowers out of her hair. “I just want what’s best for you. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Her maid paused, looking at her with sorrowed eyes and sighed. “My cloak is in your closet, wait at least an hour more. You know the way… Goodnight, Your Highness.”</p><p>Morgana left her chambers and Gwen was once again alone with her thoughts. Decisions needed to be made, and it needed to be made tonight. The king wanted her to marry, had wanted it for a while now. Her brother Elyan was next in line for the throne of Cameliard—even though she was older—and Gwen had been whisked away to Camelot. King Uther had no children, and he trusted her father, King Leodegrance, more than anyone else. Which was surprising, as King Uther didn’t trust many. Maybe trust was not the word to describe how King Uther had always felt for her father...but she was not the one to speak on this. Regardless, her father had vouched for her intellect and Uther had made her his ward. And now, she knew, he was planning on making her his heir. There weren’t a lot of kingdoms Uther trusted, and even less of them had sons to spare to make heir of another kingdom. But Uther was pushing for her to marry some noble Lord of Camelot. He didn’t say it to her face, he didn't have to, Gwen knew that despite having chosen her as heir, he didn’t believe a Queen could or should lead a kingdom on her own.</p><p>When an hour had passed since Morgana had left, Gwen picked up her most worn looking shoes and secured the brown cloak over her nightdress. Quietly, she left her room and found the almost hidden passway to the servant tunnels and entrance. As she passed through the sleeping quarters, the majority of the servants were fast asleep on their cots, and those who were awake did not care for her intrusion—they probably thought she was some servant on her way to see her lover in a more intimate setting. Well, they wouldn’t be entirely wrong about that. After some careful stepping around sleeping bodies, Gwen was in the tunnels and quickly outside the castle walls. It was very convenient that she never had to walk too far to her meeting point. It would be quite the disaster was she to be found out by the guards, wondering outside the castle grounds, in the middle of the night. <em>With only a nightdress on.</em></p><p>“You made it,” a soft voice coming out of the stables said. A voice that had the ability to instantly put a smile on her face. Gwen entered the stables and her hands automatically landed themselves gently on his bigger and sturdier palms. “Guinevere,” he whispered. The way he said her full name, so tenderly, always managed to send a shiver down Gwen's spine. His smile was gentle, secret, only meant for her. Even in this dimly lit space, his blond hair shone golden. Their bodies edged closely to each other and the space between them felt warm and tingling. Gwen longed to press her lips against his right away, but something made her halt. Her hands slowly left his palms like they had made the decision before her. Before now, Gwen hadn't believed she had made a decision, hadn't believed she could make that decision. But now, looking into his longing eyes full of wonder and hope for the future, she knew what she had to do.</p><p>“Arthur,” she said, taking in the last seconds of joy in his ocean eyes. “We have to stop this.” Instantly, there was confusion on his face. Her secret lover had, after all, been the one to tell her that what they had was hopeless. And now after she had given in, and he had let himself hope, she was going to tear it out of him again. Gwen yearned for one last embrace in his strong arms, but it would be cruel of her to do that. Gwen cleared her throat lightly. “I met with Lord Du Lac today.”</p><p>Arthur’s hands went into fists, his forehead creased, and the air around her felt instantly colder. When he talked, he kept calm, but his voice felt icier nonetheless. “Is he...respectable?”</p><p>“He was very kind."</p><p>“You find him handsome then?”</p><p>Gwen frowned at the weird remark. “Do you think me that shallow?”</p><p>“What am I supposed to make of this Guinevere?” Arthur's voice got louder and it was clear that he was starting to get more frustrated. A frustrated Arthur was one hard to talk to. “You come here, tell me we need to stop seeing each other because you’ve met with the man you’re to marry!”</p><p>“You already knew that Arthur.”</p><p>“And <em> you </em>told me you didn’t care! That we’d find a way to be together…” Arthur’s eyes were getting misty and his voice got quieter when he asked, “Do you like him?”</p><p>The waver in his voice pained Gwen so deeply, but she had to put an end to this. “Yes. And I think he can make me happy.”</p><p>“But do you love him?”</p><p>“Stop this,” she whispered, her eyes closing. They both knew the answer to this question.</p><p>“Stop what Guinevere, loving you? I cannot. I cannot stop loving you.” He was closer now, his breath warming her face as he lifted her chin up to stare at her eyes. “Loving you comes as naturally as breathing now. If you ask me to stop loving you,”—he left her space, taking a step back. His expression displayed plain anguish—“then you are asking for me to die. Because only when my heart stops beating, only <em> then </em>will I stop loving you.” Gwen turned around, her heart was unable to take more of this. Hot tears welled up at her eyes as she walked away from the stables. “<em>If even then</em>,” she heard him whisper before she ran back into the castle...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this was a quick and angsty one-shot idea that i wrote in a few hours, but turns out now i've got ideas to continue this so let's see how it goes!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Worthy Invitation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The constant tug endured by Morgana’s braiding of her hair, did nothing to keep Gwen's thought of yesterday at bay. Neither did the knock on her door as she automatically answered, “Come in.”</p><p>The thing that finally got Gwen out of her thoughts was the sight of Sefa. Her second maid came waltzing into her chambers with the biggest smile—which was almost hidden by all the flowers she was carrying. Sefa usually came in the mornings with flowers, literally brightening Gwen's day. But today there seemed to be exponentially more of them as her face was barely visible underneath them all. “Good day, Your Highness. A letter from Lord Du Lac was left for you, as well as some lovely flowers. Hello Morgana,” she finished, kissing Morgana on her cheek and making the woman smile. The brown haired maid smiled brightly at Gwen through the mirror, a slight blush visible on her cheeks. She set the flowers on the table and gave the letter to Gwen.</p><p>“Thank you, Sefa.” As Gwen read the letter, Morgana made no effort to hide that she was reading along over her shoulder. “It seems Lord De Lac has invited me over for a walk and lunch in the forest.”</p><p>“Oooh how lovely!" Sefa squealed. “How lucky you are, Your Highness. Lord Du Lac is so handsome. I have a friend working in his household, he’s told me nothing but praise of his master.”</p><p>“How lucky she is, indeed,” Morgana added. “Maybe you’d like to wear the Lord’s lovely pink flowers for today. I think it will match your blue dress better than the purple ones.”</p><p>It was a daily thing for Gwen to wear flowers in her hair. But wearing flowers gifted by a suitor almost felt like wearing a favour, and accepting his courtship. Gwen’s heart beat a bit harder as she thought of last night again… But she hadn’t cried all night to hesitate now; she had made her decision. Through the mirror she nodded and smiled softly at Morgana. Morgana’s previous smirk turned into a gentle smile.</p><p>“Pink it is then.” Morgana turned to Sefa. “Send a page boy to let Lord Du Lac know that the princess would be delighted to join him for lunch.”</p><p>Sefa gladly relinquished her cleaning duties to go running out and deliver the message, a smile on her face. Morgana delicately placed the gifted flowers in her braided hair and then finished up cleaning the room. When Sefa came back with breakfast they all went to the main room to sit down at the table and eat. It wasn’t proper for a lady to eat with her maids, but Gwen really liked sharing a meal with them. It was pleasant company. When they had eaten well, Gwen went about her household duties. Keeping a castle running was no easy job. The King may be responsible for audiences and overseeing the knights duties, but Gwen was the lady of the house, and she had to keep it running. The house in question being a castle, made it no easy job. She tried getting as many things done as she could before lunch. Her stewardess Nimueh was a blessing of a help in these matters—and a curse, as she loved giving out her...<em> ambitious ideas</em>, any occasions she got. <em> ‘Don’t you think I should be able to buy off peasants’ sons to raise them into nobility? Give them a better life! And give us more sons to uphold our names.’  </em>she would say, and Gwen would just fix her with a stare that made it clear she was not here to humour these ideas.</p><p>Morning was over quickly and Gwen found herself getting refreshed and pampered by her maids before going out the castle doors. There he was, waiting in the courtyard with two horses and a servant. He smiled as he watched her descend. Lord Du Lac truly was handsome; but she could not help but notice the lack of ocean blue eyes, golden hair and a smile that made her melt from afar…</p><p>“Your highness,” he bowed slightly before his eyes focused on hers again. “Good day,” he greeted her. “You look beautiful, as always.”</p><p>“Well met, Lord Du Lac. You are too kind.” Lord Du Lac had signed his name on the letter, <em> Lancelot</em>. But it felt too personal to use after only one meeting.</p><p>“I was honoured to hear you accepted my invitation.” It was not like she had any choice in the matter. He would have had to ask permission from the king, and the king would’ve heard had she refused. But Gwen was lying to herself, she did have a choice and she had made it last night. Gwen placed her hand in his, and although it felt all wrong, she smiled.</p><p>“I look forward to lunching with you.” Over his shoulder she could see his servant holding the two horses. The boy’s eyes were casted down and there was a small frown visible on his forehead. Gwen hoped he wasn't overworked. “My two maids will be joining us, they can help out your boy. The guards, my apologies, come with the package as well.” To her left were her two personal guards standing ready with their horses.</p><p>“No worries at all,” he said, then turned to gesture at the horses behind him. His servant nudged them both closer. “I brought along my finest mare for Your Highness.” Gwen smiled kindly at him and assessed the white mare. She was beautiful indeed. Then her eyes strayed to the servant boy again, his blue eyes visible now, as was his scowl. Gwen felt like she was the one being assessed. It wasn't a frown of exhaustion like she had thought earlier. It was a grimace, <em> directed at her</em>. When he caught her looking he quickly put on an impassive expression. Odd.</p><p>Gwen cleared her throat and turned back to Lord Du Lac. “It’s a beautiful beast. I wouldn’t want to offend you my lord, but I’m quite attached to my own horse.”</p><p>He nodded and Gwen led the way to the royal stables. Maybe in hindsight, she should have gotten her maids to get her horse, or just taken the lord’s mare. Arthur, ever attent when someone came close to his stables, was out before they made it to the doors. His eyes instantly locked with hers and the blond was frozen in place. Then he glanced at the lord, and then at her hand still laying in the lord’s palm… He averted his gaze.</p><p>“Your highness, good day. Would you like me to bring out your stallion for you?” Arthur was not looking her in the eyes, and it was Gwen's turn to be frozen in place now, as she was lost in thought staring at his pink plump lips. Thinking about how, if things were different, if they were alone, she would lift his chin up, caress his cheek and tell him to stop acting a fool and kiss her right now.</p><p>It was clear her moment of reminiscencing had lasted too long as Gwen could feel everyone watching her. Everyone but Arthur... She straightened herself and replied, “Yes, please.”</p><p>Usually she would come into the stables to greet and prep her horse herself, with Arthur helping out. She did not think this was a wise thing to do now. When Arthur came out with her beautiful black stallion, she was sure she could hear Lord Du Lac gasp next to her. Gwen has had this beauty for a while now, and everyone close was used to it. But she could still remember the stares of disbelief when she first trained her stallion. They'd gotten quite the looks together. The black stallion had been a war bounty, but Uther had found the horse too aggressive and ordered him killed. It was true that Gwen had seen how agitated the beast had been when handled by Uther’s knights, but she had also seen how he had melted almost instantly under Arthur’s touch. She’d asked Uther if she could keep and train the beast and he had given her a week time to prove the beast was worth it. That had been <em> the week </em>. The week she had gotten to know a quiet but bold stable boy. That was the week she had fallen in love with Arthur.</p><p>“That’s a majestic beast.” The lord tried to lift his hand to pet it, but her horse made a noise of protest and it stopped him in his tracks.</p><p>Arthur shushed the horse and petted his nose affectionly. “The princess’ stallion is a bit peculiar on who he lets close. He doesn’t like strangers, or who he might assume is a danger to the princess.”</p><p>Gwen thought it was a show of her suitor’s goodwill that he didn’t reprimand Arthur on his tone. The air felt tight around them all for a moment too long, so Gwen let out a chuckle, who sounded even more awkward than she felt. “Arthur is the best stable hand in Camelot. He really has a way with the animals.” Arthur was still not looking at her and it made her heart ache.</p><p>Lord Du Lac hummed. “You should join us on our ride, my servant is a disaster with horses.” The servant in question made an incredulous noise behind them.</p><p>Arthur’s shoulder tightened. “I can send in a stable boy with you, if that would please my lord.”</p><p>“Nonsense. If the princess vouches for you like that, well, she deserves only the best.” He smiled at her then and she tried to reciprocate it, however tense she felt.</p><p>When she looked away from him, Arthur was finally looking at her. His head was slightly bowed but his eyes were boring into hers. “If it pleases my princess.”</p><p>Her palm felt sweaty in the lord’s hands, and she was sure she had stopped breathing. Gwen nodded slowly and Arthur smirked before turning around and preparing her horse. This was going to be the worst lunch date ever…</p><p>When her horse and everyone else was ready, Gwen approached her stallion, then waited for Lord Du Lac to help her up, as was proper. Before he could join her, a pale hand entered her vision. Gwen looked up to see Arthur offering his hand and smiling down at her.</p><p>“Allow me,” he said. In the corner of her vision she could see the lord watching them.</p><p>“What are you doing?” she whispered to him.</p><p>“Helping out my princess, as always.” His smile was intoxicating and his tone suggestive. Gwen felt her cheeks heat up. As her suitor didn’t seem like he was going to walk up here to state his claim, she took Arthur's hand and let him help her up her horse. His hands lingered on her for longer than was proper.</p><p>Lord Du Lac came trotting on his horse, positioning himself next to her. “Ready, Your Highness?”</p><p>Gwen looked over her shoulder, her maids, Arthur and the servant boy were all standing behind them, the extra horse used to help with the supplies. The forest wasn’t far, and they weren’t going to gallop their way there, but she still would have preferred her maids on a horse… At least they weren’t carrying much.</p><p>Gwen looked back at her suitor, smiled, and nodded. Someone behind them cleared their throat. It was Arthur.</p><p>“My Lord if I may, are you not taking a physician with you? What if the princess gets hurt?” Goodness, there he was with his boldness again. It would have been better if he had stayed angry and sullen.</p><p>The lord chuckled softly, seemingly unaffected at the remark. “You’re very protective of the princess, are you?”</p><p>“Everyone is. Princess Guinevere is Camelot’s pride and joy.”</p><p>“Indeed… Well, Merlin, my servant, is being trained as a physician if that can appease you.”</p><p>“The servant <em> boy </em>?” Arthur was frowning, the disdain clear in his tone.</p><p>“I’m not a boy!” The servant, Merlin, shouted. Goodness Gwen felt embarrassed by it all. Thank God Uther wasn’t watching all this. </p><p>“Arthur,” Sefa said ever so calmly. “Merlin once helped out my father with a serious injury. I trust him”</p><p>“Still—”</p><p>Arthur tried to protest, but Gwen was getting tired of all this and interrupted him promptly. “I trust Lord Du Lac’s judgement,” she said loudly, authoritatively. “Let us go. Now.” She made her stallion advance and that was that, they were on their way. She didn’t need to look behind her to know that Arthur was most certainly pouting. <em> She wanted to look behind her. </em></p><p>It was awkward for a little while before Lord Du Lac took it upon himself to break the silence. “I see you are wearing my flowers.” His smile was gentle, soft, and Gwen couldn’t help but blush a bit. “I was hoping they would please you.”</p><p>“I love them. Thank you, Lord Du Lac.”</p><p>“Please, Your Highness, call me Lancelot. Sir Lancelot if you prefer, everyone does. I was a knight before I was a lord after all.”</p><p>“Lancelot.” Gwen nodded, though she did not offer him the same privilege yet. </p><p>Even before her and Arthur had admitted their feelings for each other, she had let him get familiar with her. One day during one of her lessons with her stallion he had gifted her a rose. “For my princess,” he had said. Gwen had smiled, smelled the rose and tried to calm down her beating heart.</p><p>“Arthur, when we’re alone like this, you know you can call me Gwen.” The little devil had smirked and slowly tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, his hand lingering on her heating cheeks. </p><p>“Hmm, but I like the sound of <em> my princess</em>,” he’d said, then added with a tender smile, “Fine. <em> Guinevere</em>, if I must.” The way her full name had rolled off his tongue… Gwen thinks that was the moment she knew she was gone for.</p><p>Behind her she could hear Morgana whisper something furiously. “I swear if you ruin this for Gwen, I will cut your hair in your sleep.”</p><p>Ah yes, this was indeed going to be the worst lunch date ever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry merlin no role reversal for you ;v;</p><p>i'm sorry not much is happening yet in this chapter but i didn't want to make it too long, so i split it, so it would go with my desired pacing. i'm hoping to post a chapter every week though!</p><p>who's ready to see the worst (best) lunch date ever :D what are your predictions?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Proper People Make For Proper Lunch Dates</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>soooo UPDATE i've edited the first two chapters a little because i wasn't happy with it and it was causing a block, idk they felt basic compared to the new chapter i've written? and i feel like i've added some dept to it?? BUT no context was changed so you don't have to reread it or anything but uuuh i'd be happy if you did 🥺🥺🥺 also remember when i said i would post a chapter a week....LOL sorry abt that! aaaah i'm sorry for all the unnecessary rambling 🥴 enjoy?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The clearing they stopped at was lovely. It was large and open, with a small lake nearby and enough sun going through the trees to enjoy the beautiful day. Gwen noticed some lovely white flowers near the lake and made a mental note to tell Sefa later to take some with them back home. Flowers reminded her of her mother, and Gwen cherished the moments when one of her maids delicately placed them in her hair. Her mother used to do that. Gwen didn’t have many female friends in Camelot, not a lot of ladies lived in the city, and people might describe her as brave, but she was quite nervous about making new friends and taking the step of inviting ladies over at the castle for some tea. What if they didn’t like her, what if they were mean? Her maids, however, made the loneliness bearable. She always made sure they had everything they needed and were content. Gwen knew there was a power imbalance there and that she shouldn’t call them friends, but she couldn’t help it, her maids were lovely and she enjoyed their company immensely. Merlin and her maids were laying down their picnic as Gwen looked around, and Arthur was tending to the horses. He brought them to the little lake close by, close enough for her to still feel his presence—she had to try hard not to peek his way.</p><p>“It’s lovely here, isn’t it?” Lancelot had joined her and smiled. “I’m surprised you’ve never come here. You’ve been in the city for longer than I.”</p><p>“King Uther doesn’t really let me wander around much,” she shrugged. “How come you haven’t grown up in Camelot?”</p><p>“I grew up in my mother’s estate in Caerleon, before inheriting my father’s lands here in Camelot.” When Gwen turned her eyes to Lancelot—interested in him elaborating on his life story—his eyes were turned away from her, and Gwen had the impression that there was more to his story than he was telling.</p><p>“Lance,” Merlin’s voice interrupted them. They turned to him and he cleared his throat. “Sir Lancelot, your lunch is set.” Gwen could see better now that he was not a boy, he was a man with soft boyish features but a sharp jaw and slim but fit shoulders. As she passed him, she tried smiling at the man who had intrigued her ever since she had caught him frowning at her. Gwen also still wanted to find out what kind of master Sir Lancelot was to his household. The servant's blue eyes grew a little, seemingly thrown off guard by her attention, before he returned with a gentle smile of his own.</p><p>“Thank you everyone,” she said as her and Lancelot installed themselves on the laid down blankets. Everyone was standing there, a few feet away to allow them privacy, but still just standing there awkwardly, waiting to be called to serve. “Please, Morgana, you've brought the extra blankets? Lay it down, sit. I do believe Sir Lancelot and I are capable of serving our own wine and putting grapes in our mouths.”</p><p>Lancelot chuckled and gestured to Merlin to go sit with her maids. They ate a bit in silence before conversation started slowly going. Lancelot mainly asked her how it was in the city and she asked him how he found it here. He told her he found it quite hard keeping land and workers, and It seemed to her the man had only ever been taught how to be a knight. Gwen was getting a nagging suspicion, an uncomfortable thought on why Uther chose this man…</p><p>“You’ve been back here almost a year now, correct?” He nodded. “How come we’ve never seen you at court? I know you don’t live in the city, but most lords and ladies come by to stay once in a while.”</p><p>Lancelot shifted awkwardly. “Like I mentioned, I’ve never had any proper noble training. I find I’m simply not that interested in politics and all. I’m not sure why King Uther wanted me...to meet with you.”</p><p>Gwen hummed, her suspicions getting clearer. There was a snort from somewhere around the horses, but Gwen knew the sound had not come from the horses themselves.</p><p>“If you’ll excuse me for a moment of privacy.” Gwen stood up and her maids followed suit, getting themselves further into the woods so Gwen could relieve herself. After she had done her business she turned to her maids before returning.</p><p>“So, what do we think ladies?”</p><p>“I think he’s charming,” Sefa said, unhelpful. Bless her.</p><p>“He is.” Morgana smiled at Sefa and took her hand in hers. Sefa blushed. “But he is no king,” she added.</p><p>Gwen nodded. “I figured as much.”</p><p>“The thing is,” Morgana added, “you don’t need a king.”</p><p>Gwen exhaled, it was good to hear her suspicions confirmed by someone else.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Sefa asked.</p><p>“I always thought King Uther wanted me to marry because it wasn’t proper for a queen to rule alone, but…”</p><p>“He knows you. As much as I don’t like him…” Morgana made a face. “He knows you don’t need a king, so he got you a puppet instead.”</p><p>Gwen chastised her, “Morgana…”</p><p>“It’s true, isn’t it? He will make you, <em> Camelot</em>, look strong; but <em> you </em>will be the one actually leading the kingdom.”</p><p>Sefa looked uneasy. “It does make sense. How awful of him. Poor Lord Du Lac, he’s so kind, do you think he knows?”</p><p>Gwen let out a breathy laugh. “It is truly a wonder…” Both women looked at her expectantly, intrigued by her laugh. “With how kind and pure you are, Sefa… Yes, it is truly a wonder how you fell for Morgana.”</p><p>Morgana’s mouth fell open and she shoved Gwen lightly on the shoulder. Sefa had her hands in front of her mouth, trying to stifle her laugh. The three women laughed together and Gwen felt lighter. Then Morgana kissed Sefa’s forehead and Gwen longed for that kind of tender, truthful love… She knew she couldn’t see him from here, but her gaze followed the direction of where Arthur would be, tending for the horses, showing the kind of tenderness she had not known a man could possess.</p><p>“Your Highness,” a voice called from a distance. It was Sir Gwaine. “You okay over there ladies?”</p><p>“We’re fine, Sir Gwaine. You can come, we’re decent.”</p><p>Her personal guard’s mop of dark brown hair showed up from behind the canopy of trees. “Just making sure Morgana didn’t murder you both. As per Arthur’s request,” he said, mirt in his voice.</p><p>Morgana rolled her eyes. “You do Arthur’s bidding now, it is beneath you Sir Gwaine.”</p><p>“Well, I am a hopeless romantic.”</p><p>Morgana and Gwen stared at each other. There was a question in Gwen’s eyes and Morgana shook her head in answer.</p><p>“Gwaine…” Gwen asked, “What do you mean by that?” It couldn’t possibly be that obvious. Even Sefa, who she’d never told, had no suspicion.</p><p>“Is this where I’m supposed to act like I’m dull? Please, you’re both not as subtle as you think you are. And me and Arthur spar, like, daily. That man wears his heart on his sleeve.”</p><p>Spar? Gwen was about to question him on that before there was a silent <em> oh </em> from behind her, then a, <em> shit</em>. All eyes were on Sefa.</p><p>“Did you just swear?” Gwen asked, perplexed.</p><p>“Never mind that! Why didn’t you tell me? Oh my god and you knew,” she turned accusing eyes on Morgana. The thing with Sefa was that even angry, she was cute.</p><p>“He’s my brother,” Morgana defended herself.</p><p>“Come on Sefa,” Gwaine said, “You've seriously never noticed?”</p><p>Sefa’s face was red and all frown, but she snorted. “I mean I’ve <em> noticed</em>. I just thought she was attracted to him physically, like how me and Morgana gawk at Gwen when she’s all dressed up. Arthur’s a handsome man, I didn't think it was that serious!” Her eyes turned sad, “I’d have thought you’d tell me, if it was…” Gwen felt bad, and slightly embarrassed at how obvious she seemed to be gawking at Arthur… “How do you even find the time to see each other?” Sefa asked.</p><p>Morgana shrugged sheepishly. “Night shift.”</p><p>Gwen apologised to Sefa and it was silent again for a moment. Morgana was wearing her sad puppy face for forgiveness and tried hugging Sefa. Then there was a commotion behind the trees and Gwaine stood at the ready before they saw Arthur’s worried face pop up, alongside Sir Lancelot.</p><p>“What on <em> earth</em>, are you all doing? Special tea time is it?”</p><p>Lancelot seemed perplexed at Arthur’s tone, before he recovered. “Sir Percival assured me Sir Gwaine was the best knight he knew but I...we were getting kind of worried.”</p><p>This was all very, very embarrassing.</p><p>Gwaine smirked. “My apologies Sir Lancelot, I’m quite the chatty lad. Standing guard from a far has never quite been my strong suit. I just enjoy the company of these beautiful ladies too much I guess.” He winked at Sir Lancelot and Gwen snorted before she could help herself. It was all alright though, as Lancelot actually chuckled at the knight. Sir Gwaine was quite the flirt, but it was all in good fun.</p><p>“I’m so sorry about my guard’s foul tongue. He’s harmless really,” she smiled. When she dared a look at Arthur he wasn’t quite frowning or pouting like he normally would, but his look was...pensive. It intrigued her but she was quickly pulled back into reality when Lancelot’s hand came up to her.</p><p>“Maybe we should get going,” Lancelot said. “I believe I’ve stolen much of your time already, Your Highness.” He smiled and his smile felt so genuine and kind that her own smile felt forced as she tried gulping down her sadness. Maybe he was no king, but he was no brute of a knight either. Lancelot was a good man, and for some reason, <em> it made it worse </em>. Her heart ached with the thought that even when presented with a man that was perfect on paper, she still felt like she would be living with a hole in her heart… Why was love so complicated? Why did she feel this way, when she should be happy to be paired with a man like Lancelot.</p><p>“Is everything alright?” Sir Percival asked in his gentle voice once they were all back at the clearing.</p><p>“Yes, no worries. We were just having a little lady time.”</p><p>“With Gwaine,” Arthur snorted.</p><p>“I’ve always been more in tune with my feminine side,” Gwaine said, smiling brightly. The two men chuckled together and it was obvious these two had spent time together, forming a weird sort of camaraderie. When had she missed them bonding?</p><p>“Well,” Lancelot started, “You certainly have the hair for it.” It was quiet for a second before Gwaine’s full on belly laugh filled the clearing, soon joined by everyone else’s chuckles. Lancelot was looking at her then, and it felt like he was waiting for her permission or acceptance. Hearing everyone’s laugh had put a weight off of her shoulders. And this simple little moment of lightness that had just occurred, felt like they were all in on this. Like they could abandon the proper world when they were all together. Gwen chuckled and pressed Lancelot’s hand a bit harder in hers. It felt like the start of a good understanding. However incomplete it might feel, this was the choice Gwen had made, and all odds were telling her it was a good one. Though her heart was telling a different story...</p><p>The servants started cleaning up their lunch and soon they were ready to depart. “He’s nice.” Arthur whispered at her side, startling her. Her stallion’s reigns were in his hands and he handed them over, leaving his hand resting in hers. “And he’s not a boring stuck up… You were right then,” he continued softly, a slight waver in his voice. “He’ll make you happy.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A Wild Thing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There was a big dark figure on the road ahead of them. Though Camelot was known to be infested with bandits, they usually resided in the woods outside of the city’s safety. Nevertheless, her guards inched closer to her. When the figure got closer it started to look like a man draped in black, carrying a load of packages. He was walking with a limp. Gwen resisted the urge to come off her horse and check up on the man. She was aware there could still be danger, but something about the man looked familiar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Father?” Sefa whispered from the back of the group. She ran to the man. Gwen gripped her reigns harder, stopping herself from going after her. The man in black was indeed Ruadan, Sefa’s father.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once they got closer to him, Morgana joined Sefa, fussing over the man. “Why are you limping? Where are you going?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ruadan chuckled dryly. “Easy children. It’s only a work injury. And I’m leaving the city on some business. It happened very suddenly while you were away at work, Sefa. I didn’t have time to tell you, so I wrote you a letter that I left home. Your highness, My Lord.” Ruadan bowed to Gwen and Lancelot. “I’m sorry to disturb your journey, I’ll be on my way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before he could move away, Sefa lifted his trouser leg up. She gasped at what she saw. “Father!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That looks bad. Merlin, you’ll help him?” Gwen turned to the servant boy but he was already taking out a bag of supplies off the horse. He nodded and went to sit by Ruadan to look him over. There was a nasty bad gash on the man’s leg, it had obviously not been treated at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How on earth did you do that to yourself! What were you thinking, father? To travel in this state.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ruadan sighed. “It really doesn’t hurt that much. And it’s important business I need to get to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gwen wondered what kind of business a local blacksmith would have outside of the city. He was barely making enough in the city, it was kind of surprising that he found business outside of it. Merlin finished cleaning the wound and Morgana wrapped it up in clean cloth. Her black haired maid looked tense and worried tending to the man. Gwen thought it was sweet how much Morgana cared for Sefa’s father.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Ruadan got up, ready to go forth with his injury, Lancelot spoke up. “Surely you do not mean to go further, walking on that injury? We have a horse to spare, please take it to go wherever you need to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ruadan’s eyes bulged and he bowed to Lancelot. “My Lord, I’m honoured. But I couldn’t possibly loot you of a fine horse.” It was indeed very kind of Lancelot to propose so. Horses weren't cheap. Especially not one bread in a noble household. Lancelot’s kindness warmed Gwen’s heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not looting when it’s given,” Gwen replied. “You’re hurt, we will not see you continue in this state. Take the horse.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ruadan bowed even lower to her. He would not dare argue with her. Ruadan accepted the horse and went on his way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gwen got off her horse and approached Sefa, who was waving her father off. “Are you sure he’s alright? He seemed troubled.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sefa sighed. “I guess I’ll never really know. Father likes to keep his secrets.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gwen took Sefa’s hand and squeezed it, smiling at her maid. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. Would you like to ride back on the horse with me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sefa was always so easy to blush. Her maids face turned instant red. Sefa stepped back, retreated her hand and shook her head silently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will have none of that.” Gwen frowned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m alright, Your Highness.” The small voice with which she answered was one Gwen had thought Sefa had left behind her in the two years in Gwen’s service. Gwen looked at Morgana, as always, asking that one silent question. Morgana frowned and shook her head from left to right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, Sefa.” Gwen remounted her horse and Sefa joined reluctantly, seating herself in front of her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is your maid unwell?” Lancelot asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Merlin’s soft but deep voice replied in her stead. “Sefa suffers from recurring knee pain.” Merlin was stroking Lancelot’s horse when he spoke, then his curious eyes found hers. “You know this and you still let her work for you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even though Merlin hadn’t fully warmed up to her for some reason, she felt confident she was surrounded by good people. There had been a weight lifting of her shoulders when they had all laughed together. Gwen smiled at Merlin as she rested her chin on Sefa’s shoulder and hugged her from behind. “Sefa serves me as well, if not better, than anyone else would. And she comes with benefits. Being the loveliest person in all of Albion.” If it was possible, her maid’s face turned even redder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And we all know the princess is in dire need of kindness,” Arthur said from behind them. “With Morgana as her maid.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will cut your tongue out,” Morgana replied.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Proving my point!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Lancelot chuckled. “Siblings is it?”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Once they were finally back at the castle, Gwen and Lancelot said their goodbyes. Lancelot kissed her hand and she bowed her head slightly. They smiled softly at each other before going their separate ways. Even if she couldn’t see him, she knew King Uther would be watching them from a window somewhere, and Lancelot and her had given him the proper display. Entering the castle felt heavy. Gwen had enjoyed the fact that both her and Lancelot had been able to relax around each other and take off their act for a few moments. It meant the future of getting married didn’t look so bleak anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were no chores for her to do anymore today and Gwen found herself yearning to go back outside. She wanted to run to the stables, tug at Arthur and pull him on her stallion with her, and ride away. Far away. Where would they go? She did not know. But her shoulders relaxed and she breathed out content, as she could physically feel and imagine Arthur's warm body against her back. It didn’t matter that the prospect of her marriage wasn’t a bleak one. Her heart still pulled at all her strings. Would it ever stop? Gwen wished her foolish heart would just listen to her decision, the way the citizens of Camelot listened to her as if she was already their queen. But the heart was a wilder thing, it seemed. It did not listen to anyone, it did not listen to her brain. Her heart was just like the one she desired. Like Arthur, it was passionate and untameable. Gwen may look like she was always disciplined, but on the inside she was a wild thing. Only able to be tamed by its like…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guinevere,” King Uther called from behind her, startling Gwen out of her melancholic thoughts. “Darling, how was your day? Did you enjoy yourself?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gwen smiled and her hand automatically came to lay in the crook of Uther’s elbow as they started walking together. “It was quite lovely. Lord Du Lac is a very honourable man.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good, good.” Uther nodded his face serious and pensive. “You like him then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was that word again. Like. Of course she liked him, the contrary would be absurd. He was charming and handsome and today he had shown a part of his true heart that reflected kindness. Lancelot, unlike many other lords she’s met, felt noble not only in title. So yes, she liked him. But was that all she was allowed to have? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Like?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Gwen felt selfish at the thought, because it was more than a lot of people had. But at least others were allowed to choose. Though was a peasant woman marrying the first decent man with a stable job so much different than her? Marrying to survive in this world, or marrying for your kingdom... Naivety had always been her bad trait. She reminded herself that she had chosen. Gwen had grown up knowing that one way or another she would give her life in servitude of her people. The people of Camelot were her people now, and they deserved a strong queen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do,” Gwen replied to the king. “I like him very much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good. I’m glad. I sent a letter to your father a day ago. I wanted him to be here for it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For when I officially crown you Crown Princess of Camelot. Tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>It had been so long… It had been so long since she’d seen her father and her brother. There were conflicting feelings swimming inside of Gwen right now. She’d missed them, she’d missed her father’s gentle and comforting touch and how her brother always let her be more of herself around him. They would go riding together and go on a gallop, leaving the guards rushing after them. Elyan was the one to teach her to be free, to be herself, but only in private, as the weight of kingdoms would one day rest on their shoulders. Gwen remembered how mad she had been with Elyan, when at 14, she had found out that she would not inherit Cameliard’s throne, but Elyan would. Gwen had lived her whole life with the idea of being queen, and then she had been confronted with the reality that she might not be. Not if no prince or king found her worthy to be married. That day, there had been a shift in the way they taught her things, she had been trained with the idea in mind of becoming queen. But from that day, they were making it clear that they were training her to be a good wife. Oh she had been livid with Elyan, who had only been 11 years old. She had shouted at him and screamed, and cried… Elyan had taken her rage and when she had calmed down he had simply hugged her and she had melted into it. Of course she knew it was not his fault. There had always been a fire inside of Gwen, a fire she had tried to tame with the kindness she held in her heart, but a fire she knew would be in good use for a queen. She had nurtured that fire slowly, delicately. And tomorrow she was one step closer to this future. A future where she could release that fire in good use. A queen. One day she would be Queen of Camelot. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“One day you will be Queen of Camelot, and I cannot be your king.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> she could feel Arthur's words in her bones. It went against everything she was taught to want this, </span>
  <em>
    <span>but she wanted Arthur to be her king.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your highness?” Morgana was hovering over her, her eyes looked concerned. Gwen realised it wasn't the first time she had tried calling her. “Your bathwater is getting cold.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, I was lost in thought.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t tell me you’re thinking about Arthur again.” Morgana scrunched up her nose at the thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gwen stood up from her bath and sighed as she took the offered robe. She was tired of fighting with her maid about her own brother. It had gotten clear that their relationship was more complicated than simple sibling bickering. Gwen had tried asking Arthur once, but he had not answered and had been cold with her for the rest of the evening. Morgana, though her closest confidant, was a terrifying creature and she had not dared asking her. But her friend continuously throwing jabs at the thought of the feelings she had for her brother, while never speaking of the ill behind them, felt like a failure in their friendship. Gwen was tired of it. And if she was opening her heart to Morgana, but Morgana wasn’t doing the same, wasn’t this what she feared it was? What she always knew it was...</span>
  <em>
    <span>an unbalanced friendship.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>After Morgana helped her into her nightdress, Gwen turned to her. “Tell me why? Why do you dislike him so much?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Morgana looked at the ground. “I just don’t think he deserves your love.” There was a pause, then their eyes met. There was a challenge in her friend’s eyes, daring her to continue this conversation. Morgana was good at staring people down, but Gwen refused to look away. Morgana cocked up her eyebrow. “You really wanna know? Fine. I can’t stand the thought of you loving him because I know he will disappoint you, as he did me.” Morgana’s look turned sour and somber. It was like a shadow had fallen onto her. “Arthur let my father die. And I have not forgiven him.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you janus for the beta read &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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